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Passover Jokes 2016

22 Apr

1.Why did the matza feel so crumby?mrs_moses

“It went through a brake-up.”

2. Why did the parsley jump into the pool?

“Cause it was sick of dipping in salt water.”

3. How did Grandma Rose catch a carp?

“She guilt a fish!”

4. Why did the Israelites run through the parted Red Sea?

“Cause they didn’t want to walk like an Egyptian.”

5. What was Miriam’s first dance after she crossed the Red Sea?

“A free’s dance!”

6. What is a parsley’s favorite 90s dance song lyric?

“When you dip, I dip, we dip.”

7. What did Elijah say when he got to the Passover seder?

“What do you mean it’s last call? I just got here!”

8. Why couldn’t the seder guests eat the afikomen?

“They couldn’t find it.”

9. Why did the Israelites wander in the desert for so long?

“They lost their Waze.”

10. Why did Hilary Clinton refuse to get rid of her chametz?

“She didn’t want to feel the Bern.”

 

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10 Jokes for 10 Plagues

2 Apr

10 Jokes for 10 Plagues

By Rabbi Molly G. Kane and Michelle Citrin

10plagues

1. Why were the Egyptians happy when the Nile turned to blood?

“Because it was B-positive.”

2. What did the Egyptian pyramid architects say after frogs fell from the sky?

“Well, now there’s more green space.”

3. Why did the Egyptians comb the desert?

“Cause there was lice.”

4. What was Pharaoh’s favorite strip club? (pun intended)

“Wild Beasts”

5. Why did Trader Joe’s Egypt announce a recall?

“Diseased Livestock”

6. When “boils” struck why couldn’t anyone make a phonecall?

“Service was spotty.”

7. What Xbox game was inspired by a plague?

“Hailo”

8. What is Ricky Martin’s favorite Passover parody song?

“Living La Vida Locusts.”

9. What caused the Egyptian baby boom?

“Darkness”

10. Death of the first born?

“No joke.”